i always try to remember that i am no longer in love with you. i always try to recall myself that i don't have to be attached to dates; to feel happier when important events surrounding you get validation or to focus on your profile seeking for information in order to feel closer. i know it's useless and i actually don't feel the urge most of the times. nevertheless, i see myself doing all the above inconciously, as it if was my paidless vocational job. at the same time, i don't always follow the instructions my brain commands. that's why my brain doesn't have the impulse in doing so. i guess that means having moving on. and for me, it hasn't been painful at all. i still remember how inspired i was at that time.
you were my creative beacon since i laid a bit of my attention on you. you pushed me through without adknowledge; you made me realize things i didn't know i was ready for. i made my new self around you: following your dictations blindly, doubtlessly. it was the right thing to do because you never asked anything in return, didn't even know someone followed you so aimlessly. right now it feels quite unfair to have being wrapped into you for so long. i unexpectedly didn't ask for permission either authorization. if this gets to you i hope you understand it as an apologize letter. if it doesn't it don't bother me at all somehow. i began writing this because today you passed trough my mind interrumping my pretty relaxed life in some purpose i don't elucidate as of now. it's been quite characterstic because some days ago you celebrated your birthday; i found myself remembering the 31st some days before the day came. well, if this gets to you it is also a happy birthday i hope you are happy letter. and from the depths of my heart i swear i mean it. you pushed me trhough my small perspective because i didn't know how to reach any wider. i didn't trust, love, respect or admire myself and none of this i owe to you. i just had to catch a little further sight of the universe.
